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Can you edit my essay by following these instructions and the edits my professor made, please?
1. Separate your consideration of SB’s life and her legacy (I made a note of this in your intro). Try to be explicit and precise about where your essay seeks to intervene–what’s your thesis? I think it was going to be about how different actors have made meaning of SB’s life. The articulation of your thesis could be longer and more thorough–how exactly does each of the three actors (Cuvier, Alexander, Mbeki) you work with make meaning of SB?
2. Make sure you are characterizing SB’s life correctly. She was not Cesar’s slave. Also, it is very important to Magubane’s essay that SB was not understood to be “Black” during her lifetime, but rather as a specific other racialized category of person (“Hottentot”–today, “Khoe”). You do not have to agree with Magubane, but you should at least acknowledge her point since her essay is one of your sources.
I suggest rereading Scully and Crais, and Magubane, to make sure you are accurately portraying the basic facts of her life accurately.
3. I think you can do more with Alexander’s poem, which is a great text. There is more to say! It also could be useful to quote Mbeki, so you can say some more precise things about what he was publically claiming about SB and her repatriation.
4. Be sure to proofread well. In particular, make sure you are spelling names correctly, consistently, and that you are correctly formatting your quotations according to MLA style. You do need page numbers in all in-text citations. I suggest making two appointments with the Writing Center–one for sometime soon to help with revision, and one later (week of April 29 perhaps), to help you proofread thoroughly.
5. This is more a point of disagreement. I would like you to think more about the 19th-century European idea that SB was actually very different because of her race. She may not have had “excess fat” or special genitalia, but rather these men made this racist and sexist myth/fantasy. I think Amanda Swarr wrote about this in our reading for last semester.
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